I just had a feeling that this every day writing was not going to happen. I really do know myself best. That’s OK, because I did not put my blog off for months, just days. Baby steps, right?
It’s a Monday morning and, as per the norm, the boys were dragging their feet, taking forever to get out of the house. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to make an official Mom decree that they go to bed a bit earlier on Sunday nights. With my hateful-ass attitude in the mornings and their similar attitudes, someone’s going to end up HURT. At least they get their hatred for mornings honestly. The people who walk around wishing everyone “Good Morning” need slapped upside their heads. Yes, I woke up. Yes, the sun may be shining. However, the lure sleep warmth and obliteration of reality is a strong one.
I had a very nice weekend. On Friday, I finally had my breakdown that I had foreseen months and months ago. I finally told my biggest enemy everything I’ve always wanted to tell her. She has some good qualities, but so do most people if one wants to look hard enough. If there were NO good qualities present, I would have been done months ago. My inherent belief that everyone is good is how I’ve found myself in some bad, almost self-abusive relationships because I trick myself into giving them one more chance. I’ve never known someone who has been so insecure that they feel the need to lie, cheat, and steal to make themselves feel something other than ugly. Normally, I follow my instincts about those people and stay away from that personality type, but I just didn’t listen.
That whole relationship was broken from Day 1. I always felt that she was unbalanced. Is it possible to really like or trust a person who behaves as a chameleon? I have learned that if a person is not secure in their knowledge or beliefs, he or she will take on the characteristics of the person they spend the most time with. Those characteristics will morph to fit their company. It’s impossible to truly love someone whose core is a lie.
I’m done with ignoring my feelings. Never again will I let myself get hurt without saying something. I will not look the other way when another person is doing wrong. No one will bully me into doing something that I don’t want to do ever again. Every relationship is gained knowledge for me. This person has shown me that honesty is always the best policy, that I need to love my kids enough now so they will have extra love in their hearts to share with others, and that appearances are only important to those who have something to hide.